Official Start Time: 10:30 p.m.
Date: 11/7/08
Official End Time: 11:30 p.m.
Maybe its the age vs the mentality I try to live with, but the dating world always seems so impossible. The environment that I live in sends a message that negatively reinforces the idea of pursuing a relationship at this time. Many relationships at this age last less than a few weeks. Thus, I ask what is the reason for such relationships? I imagine a "relationship" to be something with potential. Something worth investing time and work into. But when you look at a relationship that has lasted beyond the norm we run into the brick wall of teenage pregnancy. Why is this? Do we live in a world where pressure forces us to make such rash decisions? Decisions that jeopardize our chances to succeed. Or is just that I am over thinking the situation. That having not actually experienced such an experience has tainted my view of the subject. However there are just a few ideas, theories, that I believe provide the reason why we date who we date, and why certain relationships "succeed" while others "fail".
The Age And The Time
At my age the typical teenager is young and curious. He/she is still new to the world and has much learning to do. What better way to learn than to experiment. Experimenting can be a good thing but can also be a bad thing. It can teach you what not to do the next time. However it can teach you that the mistake you made that one time is what now forces you to be in the situation you are in now. Either way it's a risk and an experience you must eventually undertake. My issue is probably not understanding that most know these relationships and probably future ones are short and can end at anytime. That these people are enjoying the ride while they can and aren't afraid to let go if the time comes for it.
The age and the time is thus a major factor in the relationships currently taking place around me in my life. That as a newbie we are practicing and must remember to enjoy the ride while we can. I do not agree with this idea and feel that it is influencing our culture in a negative way. That this belief in "enjoying the ride while you can" is really just making it harder for future relationships to have a strong foundation to build upon. That we will eventually see all relationships this way and relationships will become just another phase in our agenda.
What We Look For In Our Partners
What qualities, characteristic, or elements do we look for when deciding who we want to date/not date? The answer is never a simple one but always one that strikes a sour note. We try be honest and pure saying we look for a partner that is caring, loving, and willing to sacrifice themselves for us. On the surface this is true but in reality we want what our human instinct has always wanted. We want what we can't have.
Women for instance will tell you they are looking for a nice guy who treats them like a princess and pretty much lives his life off her acknowledgment. They like the idea of getting flowers and having a sensitive guy to talk to about their problems. They want to date the nice guy, but can never seem to find a nice guy to date. Isn't that ironic in a world with such a large population and diverse demographic? The truth of the matter is that woman want the exact opposite. They want the guy that looks amazing, makes them laugh, takes a powerful role in the relationship, and initially defines the opposite of the nice guy they have always been looking for. This guy knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. This guy will treat the woman like anyone of other guys and never think twice about the decisions he has made. And it makes perfect sense. Women want a man who is confident and straight forward; they don't want another "girl".
Men on the other-hand are more direct with what they look for in a women. They want the hottest girl they can find. They want the one that is crazy, out going, and isn't afraid to fight for what she believes in. Here is where we run into the paradox of this mentality. As men we go after the girl who obviously has her mind set on someone else. She sees you as the back up guy; the one she will come to after her first choice has given her the slip. She will not come to you for a relationships but for a shoulder to cry on. Reason being you have put yourself in the "friend zone". Now you are stuck in a situation where the girl of your dreams comes to you to relieve herself and there isn't anything you can do about. Thus, as men it is our job to be quick with our motives. If we wait too long we will have passed up on the girl of our dreams. We must be confident and show no weakness. We have to make them believe that they are just a small moment in our everyday lives. That giving them anymore attention then we are already giving them would be too much of a hassle; a hassle we really don't need.
A middle ground does exist, but it only can exist after the relationship has been established. This middle ground is the combination of the nice guy and the player. A scenario in which the man is compassionate but also confident. He is willing to make sacrifices but hasn't lost the things that make him a man. What sucks is that this middle ground can only be reached AFTER going through the up and downs. That there is no simple solution and like I've said in the past: anything really worth doing will take hard work and diligence to accomplish.
Where We Fail/Succeed
Seeing the big picture this way seems easy in written text but not so easy when you have to face it in real life. As humans we want to jump from 0-100 in just a matter of seconds. We want to see ourselves in the middle ground stage of the relationship before we even said hello. We fail to establish the connection that adds foundation to our relationship. We fail to see what the person really has to offer. Instead we look at everything else besides the qualities, characteristic, and elements that make this person who they are. However this prevents us from making the mistake of holding on for too long. It reminds us to be realistic and let go when things get too far.
As always a balance of the two elements is required. As humans, as people, we need to remember to live life for what it is. To not add fluff to a world that already gives us things as simple as they come. That a "relationship" is different from a "fling" and doesn't come along till we have matured and evolved through experience and time. I definitely don't have the answer or solution to these problems but would hope that when the day (time) comes that I must find the right person, I do find the right person and avoid making the mistakes that so many others have.
Reflection
I've come to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong answer to confronting the dating world. We must confront the world the best we can. We need to remember the time and the place. That the talk you have with the person should be different from the talk you would have at "school" or "work" or with "family" (I feel like I often make that mistake. That I lack the ability to differentiate a conversation between a classmate and a girl that I might be talking to). Most of all you need to be confident and daring. Saying the right things to impress the right person. With time and experience it will come as second-nature.
Hopefully my values are in tact and I will not get lost in the enjoy the ride theory before I find ms. right.
Sincerely, Hector Guzman
Date: 11/7/08
Official End Time: 11:30 p.m.
Maybe its the age vs the mentality I try to live with, but the dating world always seems so impossible. The environment that I live in sends a message that negatively reinforces the idea of pursuing a relationship at this time. Many relationships at this age last less than a few weeks. Thus, I ask what is the reason for such relationships? I imagine a "relationship" to be something with potential. Something worth investing time and work into. But when you look at a relationship that has lasted beyond the norm we run into the brick wall of teenage pregnancy. Why is this? Do we live in a world where pressure forces us to make such rash decisions? Decisions that jeopardize our chances to succeed. Or is just that I am over thinking the situation. That having not actually experienced such an experience has tainted my view of the subject. However there are just a few ideas, theories, that I believe provide the reason why we date who we date, and why certain relationships "succeed" while others "fail".
At my age the typical teenager is young and curious. He/she is still new to the world and has much learning to do. What better way to learn than to experiment. Experimenting can be a good thing but can also be a bad thing. It can teach you what not to do the next time. However it can teach you that the mistake you made that one time is what now forces you to be in the situation you are in now. Either way it's a risk and an experience you must eventually undertake. My issue is probably not understanding that most know these relationships and probably future ones are short and can end at anytime. That these people are enjoying the ride while they can and aren't afraid to let go if the time comes for it.
The age and the time is thus a major factor in the relationships currently taking place around me in my life. That as a newbie we are practicing and must remember to enjoy the ride while we can. I do not agree with this idea and feel that it is influencing our culture in a negative way. That this belief in "enjoying the ride while you can" is really just making it harder for future relationships to have a strong foundation to build upon. That we will eventually see all relationships this way and relationships will become just another phase in our agenda.
What qualities, characteristic, or elements do we look for when deciding who we want to date/not date? The answer is never a simple one but always one that strikes a sour note. We try be honest and pure saying we look for a partner that is caring, loving, and willing to sacrifice themselves for us. On the surface this is true but in reality we want what our human instinct has always wanted. We want what we can't have.
Women for instance will tell you they are looking for a nice guy who treats them like a princess and pretty much lives his life off her acknowledgment. They like the idea of getting flowers and having a sensitive guy to talk to about their problems. They want to date the nice guy, but can never seem to find a nice guy to date. Isn't that ironic in a world with such a large population and diverse demographic? The truth of the matter is that woman want the exact opposite. They want the guy that looks amazing, makes them laugh, takes a powerful role in the relationship, and initially defines the opposite of the nice guy they have always been looking for. This guy knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. This guy will treat the woman like anyone of other guys and never think twice about the decisions he has made. And it makes perfect sense. Women want a man who is confident and straight forward; they don't want another "girl".
Men on the other-hand are more direct with what they look for in a women. They want the hottest girl they can find. They want the one that is crazy, out going, and isn't afraid to fight for what she believes in. Here is where we run into the paradox of this mentality. As men we go after the girl who obviously has her mind set on someone else. She sees you as the back up guy; the one she will come to after her first choice has given her the slip. She will not come to you for a relationships but for a shoulder to cry on. Reason being you have put yourself in the "friend zone". Now you are stuck in a situation where the girl of your dreams comes to you to relieve herself and there isn't anything you can do about. Thus, as men it is our job to be quick with our motives. If we wait too long we will have passed up on the girl of our dreams. We must be confident and show no weakness. We have to make them believe that they are just a small moment in our everyday lives. That giving them anymore attention then we are already giving them would be too much of a hassle; a hassle we really don't need.
A middle ground does exist, but it only can exist after the relationship has been established. This middle ground is the combination of the nice guy and the player. A scenario in which the man is compassionate but also confident. He is willing to make sacrifices but hasn't lost the things that make him a man. What sucks is that this middle ground can only be reached AFTER going through the up and downs. That there is no simple solution and like I've said in the past: anything really worth doing will take hard work and diligence to accomplish.
Seeing the big picture this way seems easy in written text but not so easy when you have to face it in real life. As humans we want to jump from 0-100 in just a matter of seconds. We want to see ourselves in the middle ground stage of the relationship before we even said hello. We fail to establish the connection that adds foundation to our relationship. We fail to see what the person really has to offer. Instead we look at everything else besides the qualities, characteristic, and elements that make this person who they are. However this prevents us from making the mistake of holding on for too long. It reminds us to be realistic and let go when things get too far.
As always a balance of the two elements is required. As humans, as people, we need to remember to live life for what it is. To not add fluff to a world that already gives us things as simple as they come. That a "relationship" is different from a "fling" and doesn't come along till we have matured and evolved through experience and time. I definitely don't have the answer or solution to these problems but would hope that when the day (time) comes that I must find the right person, I do find the right person and avoid making the mistakes that so many others have.
I've come to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong answer to confronting the dating world. We must confront the world the best we can. We need to remember the time and the place. That the talk you have with the person should be different from the talk you would have at "school" or "work" or with "family" (I feel like I often make that mistake. That I lack the ability to differentiate a conversation between a classmate and a girl that I might be talking to). Most of all you need to be confident and daring. Saying the right things to impress the right person. With time and experience it will come as second-nature.
Hopefully my values are in tact and I will not get lost in the enjoy the ride theory before I find ms. right.
Sincerely, Hector Guzman
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